“For who has known the mind of the Lord?”

Romans 11:34

By the time that my daughter, Anna, had met the love of her life, Hugh, and became engaged to be married, I had more than two decades of pastoral experience – including pastoral experience officiating and/or participating in well over 100 weddings. I had learned a lot by meeting with so many couples and helping to provide leadership at their wedding celebrations. And, as a dad, I was eager to pass on my knowledge in order to help my daughter have the most wonderful, memorable, and (as much as possible) stress-free wedding experience.

It was also extremely important to me that the wedding ceremony for all of our kids should be what they wanted and not what Mom, Dad, or anyone else wanted. Barb and I had a lot of say in our celebration. The least we could do was to give that privilege to our children as well. I told them to feel free to use me or don’t use me in any way that they wanted. However, I did have only two simple requests based on my vast experience in such things. First, do not have a destination wedding. Have the wedding in one of the two individuals’ hometown. Destination weddings were complex and added many layers of stress to the event. There was no need to do that to yourself or your guests. Stay close to home. Second, do not have an outdoor wedding. Generally, there are so many disasters that can and do happen at such events. The experience outside – the temperature, the wind, the sun, the rain, and the like – is generally out of your control. The experience inside is generally in your control. That’s why church buildings were made. Use them. Have your wedding inside of a church. These were two simple requests that seemed very easy to follow. These were two simple requests retold year after year after year because of my vast experience with such things.

So, it came as absolutely no surprise at all when Anna announced that her wedding venue would be Blackwater Castle located in the village of Castletownroche in County Cork, Ireland, and that the service would take place in an outdoor space located just outside of the castle walls. In her defense, Hugh is from County Cork, Ireland. But Blackwater Castle was still a significant drive for him and for his family. So, technically, it was still both “destination” and “outdoors” – the only two things I asked that it not be.

I also count the wedding event itself and the surrounding celebrations as absolute perfection. I am rarely wrong in life. It is one of my many gifts. But I was most definitely wrong regarding the expectations that I had for their wedding. Sometimes it feels really good to be wrong about something. And this was definitely one of those times.

The Spies and Murphy families and their friends had the run of the place for an extended weekend. Not only did the wedding and reception take place there, the entire guest list was invited to stay on the grounds for several days as well. The castle and the accompanying buildings housed more than 100 people. All guests could stay for free for the weekend (as part of the base fee for the rental), and we could spend time exploring the local community while using the castle as our homebase. The experience is still largely indescribable for me as I remember those amazing days, but “beautiful” and “perfect” feel pretty close to the right descriptors.

There is a reason why Ireland is called the Emerald Isle. It is very green. And it is largely so green because something happens there almost every day of the year that helps to keep it so green – it rains. On the day of Anna and Hugh’s service, it did rain, and the rain came while we were outside near the end of the service. But the rain was gentle, sparse, and came to a quick conclusion just about the time that Holy Communion had ended and I offered the following blessing:

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

It was as if it was scripted that way. The moment made me believe fairytale endings were possible.

I wish I could tell you that it happened that way because I planned for it to happen that way. But that would be wrong for me to say. Remember, my plan was to avoid a destination/outdoor wedding altogether. The kids – they had a different plan. God had a different plan. And the kids’ plan and the divine’s plan turned out to be much, much better than my plan.

St. Paul asks this tough question: “For who has known the mind of the Lord?” And my response to that question certainly would include, “Not I.” My plans are different. My plans make sense. My plans are safe. My plans stay contained in a small space where I get to control what happens next in that space.

My kids – they have different plans. God has a different plan. But different doesn’t mean it is wrong. And different doesn’t mean that it is any less holy. Anna and Hugh, Blackwater Castle, and, of course, the divine word remind me constantly that I may not always understand the mind of children or of God, but if I let go of my wishes and my planning maybe, just maybe, the fairytale ending can still be a reality.